Forgotten Responsibilities

ok, so any of you that even read this half the time prolly already know
i have a tendency to rant
a lot
itz not my fault
i jus have a lot on my mind, and need a way to vent/get it all out
this time though
itz a lot bigger than jus me
itz something that has irked me forever
and recent events jus make me that much more pissed off about it

To ninety percent of the male population out there

WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?!?!?!?!

like seriously, grow some ballz and get back to being the man your supposed to be. a good bit of people, particularly females and those of the feminist mindset, would argue with me on this, but it is a guyz natural responsibility to take care of and protect femalez.

call me old-fashioned, sexist, i don't care. itz my opinion, and itz the right one.

why do you think it is that guyz are naturally bigger and stronger than femalez? if it were supposed to be that femalez are to be completely independent and take care of themselves, they'd be built like we are

now guyz, i'm havin some issues with you. i mean, sure i'm in the same subspecies, but i honestly cannot comprehend some of the shit you do

like, i can understand pickin on girlz a lil, and teasin. jus messin around stuff like that

but putting girlz down, constantly? no that does not fly

imagine how you would feel if you spent your whole life dealing with people saying shit about you and talking down to you all the time like you do

trust me, it sucks. i might not have boobz and be a female, but i get that shit enough from my family and people at school to have a good idea of what would be like

and another thing

if i ever see a guy hit, smack, or push a girl down and she hasn't mortally wounded him

that fucker better start running, cuz i'm gonna be in one hell of a rage

why? why do guyz feel they need to do this, or that itz right in any type of way?

fuck guyz

your all a bunch of dumbasses

in the mean time

until the rest of the world catches up with me

i'm gonna be a true gentleman

Here It Comes Again

Ok, so maybe something is wrong with me
But I'm bored. And I'm not talking about jus this moment in particular
I'm bored with life. Itz so.....
Lame. Like honestly, i don't think most people know how to reach their full potential or jus live the life made out for them

Itz to the point that i only feel right when i when certain people
Or doing certain thingz

I feel itz long past the point that i can come to termz with the way thingz are
I can't stand that

Itz time for a change
And they say that change startz in yourself

Which that meanz
Let the fun begin

Don't be surprised if i blow some mindz

Or leave a trail of chaos in my wake

The Game is over. Goodbye

This is it, I'm breaking down. I have to get this out before i lose it all......

Mom
So this is long overdue, but better late than never
Thank you
You've done more than anyone could ask or expect, and i prolly don't show my appreciation as much as i should. You've gone through so much, and the fact you've stayed steady is amazing
But one thing....
Fuck your religion
To hell with your beliefz
I really don't care what you choose to follow or submit yourself to, but quit forcing it on me
I'm tired of it
Let me be me

Dad
Fuck
You
Ok, go to hell. You've done nothing but fuck my life up, and I'm tired of it. For a good portion of my life, i never saw you. You weren't around
But now, you see me and do nothing but bitch me out all the time
I used to try and do stuff for you. All i ever wanted to hear is that you were proud of me. Fuck that, I don't care anymore. Jus get out of my life
And know, if you ever touch me
You will regret it

Derian and Amanda
I'm sorry
I've put the two of you through hell, and i really have no reason to. Still, at this point, I'm not used to being an older brother. And you can prolly tell, i'm not a very good one at that. Maybe i can change before itz too late, but i know i can't change the past
Jus take this from me-don't let anyone control you or push you around
Kick their ass if they try

Chris
Dude, your fucking amazing. Your a great friend, better than anyone could ask for. You've done way too much for me, and i appreciate it. One day, I will find a way to pay you back for everything.
Do me one favor-grow some ballz. I hate to say it man, but you let people walk all over you. You got to change that. especially with Kaeli. If you want the relationship to work, last, and flourish, your gonna have to stand up for yourself. Quit making it seem like everything is your fault, cuz itz not

Kaeli
Thank you
But on the flipside of that
I'm sorry
You've been a great friend. We've had tonz of laughz, good timez, and you've helped me through so much shit. For that, your awesome
I jus wanna apologize for being such a shitty friend to you. I've put you through a lot, not too mention jus been a regular ass
So yeah, i thought i should tell you that

Meredith
Wow, here goes naught
This might take a bit
Your amazing
Handz down
I don't think you realize quite how much so, cuz your so hard on yourself. But you are a wonderful friend, have the best advice, extremely tenacious, you know what you believe in and don't back down
It all addz up to make one hell of a person
You jus need to stay strong and not give up. Thingz may be tough, and you may feel like everything is crashing in around you
But i'll be the first to say-shining through the hard timez it what makes us better, and being able to succeed in the toughest spots is what separates the failures in life, from the best
And you are mos def among the elite

Taylor
You already have what i said

please, jus file this one under my suicide letterz

Here goes naught....

ok, so at this point
this one is for the sole purpose of clearing my head

i'm not sure if anything overtly amazing/newsworthy has happened since last time, but i know i seriously need to jus dump everything out

first off, i think i had one of the most badass dreamz the other night. it was kool for the fact that everything was legos. like, you know the lego blockz that you build stuff with growing up. yeah, everything in my dream was lego. the people, carz, buildingz it was pretty sweet action awesome (yeah, i said it. what of it?)
it was funny/sadistic/weird, cuz the way you would die in the dream is if you fell apart or your head came off. talk about unrealistic
then, it got even greater. who better to show up in such a fucked up alternate reality than marilyn manson himself
hellz yes
now you wanna talk about a badass looking lego, he was it

oh, and i jus remembered. apparently, i and my muses have been labeled anarchial/dirty/foul/generally a parasite to society
what, the fuck
i mean, trying to share my creativity with some of my friends, i posted my link on myspace
and how did the bastards respond?
they blocked it, comparing me to some fucking head lice that had to be stopped and taken care off
yeah, so much for that how freedom of speech bullshit
fuck you myspace
i never liked you that much anywayz

and who givez a flying fuck if i am anarchist anywayz?

friendz are great
like, my phone got cut off cuz of an idiot that i don't feel like discussing
but yeah, in their attemptz to contact me
they thought i had ended up in jail
how hilarious is that
my friendz figure if they can't get in touch with me
that i must be sitting in a jail cell somewhere
for some stupid shit i did
i love it

my reputation precedez me

love me, hate me, either way your talkin bout me

................

I'm twisting

I'm falling

Damn look at this

How itz appalling

The way we believe

All of their liez

Without once

Checking with our

Own eyez

We ask for the truth

Though we don't want it

So we do nothing

But settle for all this fake shit

I'm fed up

With the way itz been

Never asking questionz

Of the demandz from him

No more

Will I jus stand back

Cuz this time

I'm going on the attack

You say we're civilized

Yet we call for blood

Don't give me that bullshit

About itz for the greater good

gimme a day or two

and i will finish this

bum de bum de bop

letz all do the bunny hop

so yeah. this is one of those random few timez that i really have nothin on my mind

like, nothin

weird, i know. i mean, sure i'm thinking tonz, like alwayz but therez not anything that i feel is pressing or urgent for me to get out

itz kinda kool

i've noticed, doing this helpz me a lot

i've forever had issuez with being able to express myself adequately

and it usually endz in me and other people gettting really frustrated and problemz not getting fixed. but doing this helpz to clear up my mind and loosen up

being able to jus pour it all out on here, and not have to keep it inside is a great relief

My life, my past time, my tears

Ok, so anyone that knowz me knowz that sportz is my life. I'm an extremely active person, and itz one of the best outletz for me
baseball has forever been my favorite
but lately, i've been depressed with the condition of the sport. baseball is losing fanz, and the fanz trust, at an alarming rate
thingz are looking grim, and all the media coverage doesn't help
sure, more than a good bit of playerz in the last ten yearz have used some time of performance enhancer to cheat
we know that
and frankly, we're tired of hearing about it. all they're doing now is dragging it out
itz hurting baseball's image, and i'm ready for it to change
what they need to do is drop it
quit talking about it so much
sure, you can enforce the rulez. hell, make them stricter than ever i say, that way no one else does it
jus stop making such a big deal about it
letz get back to when baseball was america's pasttime. now i hear people say that football is becoming that
don't get me wrong, i love football
but i balk at the thought of it being called our pasttime

man

so let me tell you a story

growing up, in school i was quite the cut-up. still am, but that besides the point. anywayz, there was this one kid in nearly all of my classes. he was pretty much your typical bookworm-nearly alwayz had his nose in a book, wore glasses, not popular in the least, extremely shy around females, the difference being he was bigger than most everybody else. not fat, jus bigger built.
well, as kidz are, he got picked on some, not a lot, jus every so often. every once in a while, i would join in, but not much. i would talk to him sometimes, either about the book he was reading or because he was one of the few that understood most everything i did.
now, i knew this guy all of elementary school. one year, i wanna say fifth grade, i was having a bunch of people spend the night at my house for my birthday. i invited him not because we were really close friends, but because i knew him and i also knew he didn't hang out with many people from school. it went about as any sleepover with a bunch of guyz would, a lot of joking and messing around all night. we messed with him some, but for the most part jus had a good time
well, at the end of sixth grade. it was the last day of school, and we were having our lil party. a couple of people had noticed he wasn't there, but didn't think much of it. near the middle of the day, a lady came in the room and talked to the teacher. to my surprise, she then walked over to me.
she told me "sorry he couldn't make it today, but he wanted to make sure you got this." and handed me a stuffed m&m. there was an envelope with it
inside was a card. the front said thank you
in it, was a little note. it read, "Thank you jesse for being my friend. All these years here, your the only friend i ever had. I was so excited when you invited me to your house. I thought i would let you know i was moving. Again, thank you."

to this day, i nearly cry everytime i think about that. i wasn't his friend. i barely talked to him. i didn't deserve for him to think that, because i picked on him along with everybody else. the only difference is that i did talk to him sometimes

you never know what the slightest thing you do might do to someone else. you might not even realize the impact you have on them

christian burkhalter, if you happen to be reading this, by some wonderful stroke of luck i just want to say i'm sorry for not being a better friend

Ok, thatz it....

Fuck the bullshit
I can't take this anymore. Somethingz gotta give
I've put up with their shit and everything for way too long. For the most part, i've been able to deal with it. It only getz real bad every once in a while, and then everythingz kool for a bit
But this time
They've pushed me too far. A person can only take so much before they snap and i've reached my limit. The fucking hell they put me through, the bullshit excusez and reasonz they try to feed me, all in the name of being my parentz, i'm done with it
I'm sick of it. What the fuck they think, or who they hell they think they are i don't know and i don't give a damn anymore
Honestly, i couldn't give a fuck about them anymore. I wish they would jus keel over and die right now
According to their stupid fucking beliefz, they're supposedly going to heaven
bullshit
Hell soundz too good for the two of those assholes
Why they think they can get away with this shit, and i'm jus gonna take it, is beyond me
But no more
They don't want to trust me, fine. I'll give them a fucking reason not to
I'm tired of sitting back and taking it
And that goes for everybody and everything
If you think that i'm jus gonna sit back and let you get away with anything you want, wrong. I don't give a damn who you are or anything
This ends now

Say goodbye

As we dance with the devil tonight

Don't you dare look at him in the eyes

As we dance with the devil tonight

Hmmmm

Sometimez what we need

Is to open our eyez and see

What a fucking travesty this is

How we are so consumed in me

Salvation's dying..........

Somebody's crying.........

so maybe i'm paying attention more now, but the world around me is quite interesting.

i'll even go as far as to say beautiful.

itz kool how thingz can seem to be absolute chaos around us, but when the smoke finally clearz, it blowz us away................

and as if to prove how random my mind is, i completely lost that thought.

damn

but yeah, even though i try to keep this as updated as possible, i could never possibly keep up with the pace that my life moves.

this has become my outlet, my way to make sure i haven't completely lost my mind

now, this is once again way off subject, but another absolute-there have been way to many times i'll get into my practicing for a while, and then i'll stop for a bit again.

enough of that

i'm throwing myself headlong into my music. i have had way too much inspirationg and reason to not be doing this already. granted, my locale is not the best place to foster my type of music, since most everyone is very narrow-minded. but i'm determined. i'll find people to work with, and if not, i'll do it myself

so yeah

storming these gates of hell

i find myself wondering

who will be standing beside me.........

We Real Cool

The Pool Players
Seven at the Golden Shovel

We real cool. We
Left school. We

Lurk late. We
Strike straight. We

Sing sin. We
Thin gin. We

Jazz june. We
Die soon

Like Bringing A Knife To A Gun Fight

wow. this is fun
not jus this, but life in general. idk, maybe some you of would argue with me, but the factz can't be denied.
itz kinda funny to think about though. i mean, i regret to say, i used to be one of those emo kidz. yeah, i said it. bite me =P
it was a rough time in my life. for a longer time than that, i was very suicidal. it was jus too much to handle.
but a lot has changed since then
most importantly, i've found friendz. not the type that are fun to hang out with and thatz all. but friendz that are really there for me. help me through my bad timez and celebrate with me when thingz go right.
without them, i prolly would have given up long before now.
if you know me, you already know i'm prolly not the greatest influence in the world. i have more than my fair share of faultz and shit, but thatz not stopping me anymore.
i'm gonna be the best
no other way around it. call me self-centered or conceited, but if your familiar with me, itz very believable.
sometimez i've wondered why i turned out the way i did. i used to loathe and hate myself for it, but now i realize it is for a reason. i might hurt people, which i do a lil too often, but in the end it turnz out good.
so, for all that nonsense, i guess all i'm really trying to say is....

try and stop me now bitches