The 9

thesedayzbecomenightz

skieslitbyfadinglightz

firesburnfiercelycastingshadowzsolong

somesitbackandwonder

whiletherestknowwhatiswrong

i've alwayz thought that something was wrong with me that something was maybe jus too different. now that i think about it i'm not sure if it is a matter of me being too different or is it everyone else. i will not lie that i do indulge in the enjoyment of many of the entertainments and technologies that we have. there is nothing wrong with liking or enjoying them, except when in excess. itz really funny if you think about it because as much as i'm not a fan of history if you look back on it they got a lot of it pretty spot on. my example for the moment would be the seven deadly sins or in this instance the sin of sloth. i've been pegged as being too active on crack ADD ADHD you name it people have tried to label it as my reason for being like this. now granted i will agree that it is a little odd that i do not like being still or not doing anything for even a moment but as a whole society has devolved to a point that is beyond ridiculous. the signs are everywhere you look so trying to deny it is pretty pointless. heart disease on the rise obesity in everyone from children to adults has been increasing steadily at a scary pace and even though some people seem to be considered or at least put on the front of it i don't think that enough people realize the amount that we have shifted from the beginning. the way that it used to be the only people that were lazy or didn't do anything were either those that were too rich or royal or they were just a disgrace to everyone that knew them. now though it seems that people are more likely to be labeled weird or a freak if they want to get out and do something. the majority of people seem to be content with sitting around.

i'm tired of it. i can't just sit around i cannot stand just being here. my body aches more from sitting around than when i stay active for a week. why this is i cannot entirely explain. maybe it has something to do with alwayz being outside growing up playing sports all year ride i'm not sure. maybe i'm one of gthe few people left like this but life was not meant to be watched from a distance. i want to be right in the action even better creating it.

to be satisfied with watching things happen

and not make them happen for yourself

is to be content with watching life pass you by

8 tries, 8 lies, 8 cries, 8 complies, 8 tried, 8 lied, 8 sighed, 8 died

tossing and turning in sheets that are so familiar

this feeling lifts us into the air

i've longed to know you

waking together with the rising dawn

but now all i want

is to know how it feels with you gone

itz been a good bit since i last posted. a lot and not shit has happened since then. thatz jus how it is. i will say, the feelings have not changed though. and therein lies the problem.

for years i don't even really remember when it began i have felt like a part of me is missing. that something is not there. maybe it was a friend i lost a memory that haunts me i'm not sure. but filling that void i've come to realize is not possible. not in the conventional sense. like so many people before i have tried to acquire as much as i can in the hopes that it will make me feel better. it will block out the pain. but it doesn't. all it does is make that hole feel bigger. so by the time i realize what is happening i have acquired a ton of shit yet feel no better.

then i start to strip away. throw out everything unneeded give back what has been given unto me and start to live without all the extra bullshit. it is at these moments that i feel like well not that maybe the hole is been filled or it has been replaced but that it is healing over and i am able to move on. that the less i am stressing about fretting over letting control my life the more i can actually live.

do i think this is significant? extremely because by realizing this i know how i need to live. i won't lie because there is no need (to be covered further on) i will still let myself enjoy the occasional pleasures indulge every once in a while but in essence i am going to strip myself of unnecessaries. there is no need to overburden my life my one shot at what i want.

now, selfrealization is something that cannot be helped sometimes. especially when you are confined to one area and have nothing to do. after you have explored everything outside you start to look inside itz natural. one curiousity that i have noticed that does bother and intrigue me a the same time is falcification. why do we lie? why is it that some of us go so far as to fabricate entire lives and side stories jus to feel interesting? i am not going to claim innocence, for i was one of the worst. i would lie without realizing it be it small or big. i would lie and lie to the point that i forgot what truth was. it is not a good feeling to reach that point. when everything is a lie that is the point that you realize you do not know what is real or what you believe. i've recovered from that point that and am ready to go. the lies have to stop. not to say that everyone should stop lying because i know that it will never happen. it is too engraved in society unfortunately (along with low self-esteem, corruption, hatred, and the overbearing alterior motive). i can even understand lying in some situations but only in times for protection either of yourself or someone close. other than that i see no need. except for cowardice. lying is the shield for cowardice. i know for a fact that is the reason i used to lie so much. i was afraid of the consequences of what people would think of myself at times. but no more.

i'm tired of living in fear. i'm done with caring about shit that doesn't matter. this is my life, my one shot.

Stop me if you can

I'm a force to be reckoned with

Thus Sevenfold and Sevenfold Combined

likeaccentztoboldlyoverdone

thesecrimsoncolorzdreadfullyrun

tooboldtoorichjustenough

itzamazinghowitsmoothzoutasurfacesorough

i'm accused of being an angry person. is that so wrong? with all the shit going on and especially if you truly knew all the jackassery that i put up with i think you would be angry too. true there are those people that go through some of the worst thingz and manage to stay happy they have some hidden joy deep inside. truly i don't understand it but i say kudoz to them. cuz the rage that fuelz and tearz me apart simultaneously is something inbred something i can't and never could nor want to deny.

but i digress. this is not about me nor should it ever be. it does focus on anger though. for a second, think about all the murderz you hear about all the time the pointless attackz people jus reaching a point in which they snap. now i'm not going to ever try and say that there is any one reason behind thingz like that but certain thingz have made me realize what could help prevent a lot of it. everyone knowz how with kidz your supposed to tell them the thingz they did right/good just as much as you scold them. well i'm not sure why or what made us decide this but it seemz that one you surpass a certain age you no longer hear anything of what you do good. never does anyone utter the wordz saying you did something right. over and over day after day all we seem to get is all the negativity the downsidez what it is that we just can't seem to get right. i know it has happened to everyone at least once that you are having a rough day or something just seemz to be getting you down but then someone maybe not even someone you talk to often just sayz a little something that makez everything better. so it all boils down to this try going against the tide. next time you get ready to absolutely tear someone apart stop for just a second and see how it feelz to tell them something good about them and see how they feel. one by one i think we can change the makeup of humanity.

A Day Late